I am changing the location of this blog. Blogger is driving me crazy, so I'm switching over to wordpress. I've moved over all of the previous posts and all new posts will be on the new blog. You can find it here:
http://www.divergentramblings.wordpress.com
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Plinky Question - What's something you never believed until you experienced it?
This is my first ever plinky question!
I never believed in the power of forgiving someone else until I experienced it. I always knew that we should forgive, but I never realized how powerful, freeing, and healing it is to forgive someone who has REALLY hurt you until I actually did it.
Monday, June 28, 2010
150 Good Things
I've decided to embark on a mission. I am going to do 150 nice things for random people, neighbors, people I know, etc between now and the end of the year. There are 186 days left this year. I'm so excited. I'd like to, as much as possible, avoid repeats, so I need lots of great ideas. If you have any suggestions of things that could be done for just about anyone and don't cost a lot of money (on a tight budget over here), please share! My plan is to post about all of them, so that I can keep track. Not many people read this blog, so I feel reasonably confident that the people I am doing things for won't find out who it was, unless I want them to know. I've found a few suggestions online. Here are some of the ideas I've found:
1. Watch someone's children for an hour or so, so that they can have some quiet time.
2. Write loving letters to those who are important to me.
3. Write a letter to a child or send a small gift to a child by mail.
4. Pay for something for a person in line behind me.
1. Watch someone's children for an hour or so, so that they can have some quiet time.
2. Write loving letters to those who are important to me.
3. Write a letter to a child or send a small gift to a child by mail.
4. Pay for something for a person in line behind me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
In The News
Every now and then you find a news headline or article that is just so poorly writen it's scary. Yesterday Erik found a whole site of them! The scary thing is they aren't done on purpose. Here are a few of my favorites:
Headline: Orlando's Harry Potter Ride Fat Park
Harry Potter ride fat is way beyond the safety harnesses at the Orlando theme park
- I never knew rides had fat.
1st paragraph of another article :
Shipwreck found after 112 years named L.R. Doty near Milwaukee. The ship was 300-foot-long and named the L.R. Doty, which sank during a storm. What's left is a wooden steamship that violently sank during a storm 112 years ago.
- Those 112 years named LR Doty were fantastic, weren't they?
- Do you think that ship might have sunk?
Headline and description of article:
AirTran Turtle Plane Delayed
Turtle plane responsible for delaying AirTran travel. An Airtran passenger jet was delayed after two sisters were busted for bringing a 2-inch turtle onboard.
- turtle planes?
- on a more serious note... really? a 2 inch turtle stopped a plane from taking off?
Just for the record, I don't claim to be a perfect writer, but seriously, doesn't this news site have an editor?
Headline: Orlando's Harry Potter Ride Fat Park
Harry Potter ride fat is way beyond the safety harnesses at the Orlando theme park
- I never knew rides had fat.
1st paragraph of another article :
Shipwreck found after 112 years named L.R. Doty near Milwaukee. The ship was 300-foot-long and named the L.R. Doty, which sank during a storm. What's left is a wooden steamship that violently sank during a storm 112 years ago.
- Those 112 years named LR Doty were fantastic, weren't they?
- Do you think that ship might have sunk?
Headline and description of article:
AirTran Turtle Plane Delayed
Turtle plane responsible for delaying AirTran travel. An Airtran passenger jet was delayed after two sisters were busted for bringing a 2-inch turtle onboard.
- turtle planes?
- on a more serious note... really? a 2 inch turtle stopped a plane from taking off?
Just for the record, I don't claim to be a perfect writer, but seriously, doesn't this news site have an editor?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Healthy Bread In 5 Minutes - Hearty Wheat Sandwich Bread
I made up the master recipe from the bread book a couple of days ago, and made the sandwich loaf yesterday. It was delicious, but not a great sandwich bread. The crust was too crunch and the bread a little dense for our tastes for sandwiches. It was wonderfully yummy with honey though! I can hardly wait to try the rest of the dough out with some other recipes and to try one of the other sandwich bread recipes.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Bread Update
I've started the first batch of dough for my Healthy Bread in 5 Minutes book! The basic idea is that you make this dough and keep it in your fridge. It takes about 20 minutes to make the dough, but you can get about 4 loaves out of it, so if you do one a day it averages to 5 minutes each. Actually, I saw them completely make a loaf (minus rising and cooking time) in a 2 minute video, so there's hope it could be even faster eventually.
I'm a bit nervous, because it seems excessively wet, but I'll see tomorrow. You can still work with it if it's too wet, it's just a bit harder. The other thing is that whole wheat breads tend to take longer to really absorb the water, so that may be what is going on. Tomorrow I'm going to make sandwich bread with it, and then we'll see what I decide to do with the rest, probably another day. Now I'm just hoping it doesn't overflow the bowl!
I'm a bit nervous, because it seems excessively wet, but I'll see tomorrow. You can still work with it if it's too wet, it's just a bit harder. The other thing is that whole wheat breads tend to take longer to really absorb the water, so that may be what is going on. Tomorrow I'm going to make sandwich bread with it, and then we'll see what I decide to do with the rest, probably another day. Now I'm just hoping it doesn't overflow the bowl!
New Books, New Ideas, New Adventure
I just got a couple of books i ordered off of amazon. I'm especially excited because I got to use the gift certificates I've been saving up from Swagbucks, and even have lots left.
Anyways, the books "Healthy Bread in Five Minutes A Day" and "Make Your Place; Affordable, Sustainable, Nesting Skills". Both books bring with them their own adventures!
I LOVE to bake homemade bread. I don't think anything tastes better, and the wonderful smell in the house when it is baking is just heavenly. I've been trying to move our family away from processed breads to healthier breads. I've been making wheat bread with home ground wheat for a little over a year, but now I'm so excited to have some new healthy bread recipes! I'm going to try making a bunch of different recipes from here, and I'll tell you all about it!
The second book is full of make it yourself recipes for cleaners, first aid products, etc. I'm hoping I can find some great, inexpensive cleaners that will work as wonderfully as our homemade laundry soap recipe does! I'll post my adventures and findings on this one too as I go!
Anyways, the books "Healthy Bread in Five Minutes A Day" and "Make Your Place; Affordable, Sustainable, Nesting Skills". Both books bring with them their own adventures!
I LOVE to bake homemade bread. I don't think anything tastes better, and the wonderful smell in the house when it is baking is just heavenly. I've been trying to move our family away from processed breads to healthier breads. I've been making wheat bread with home ground wheat for a little over a year, but now I'm so excited to have some new healthy bread recipes! I'm going to try making a bunch of different recipes from here, and I'll tell you all about it!
The second book is full of make it yourself recipes for cleaners, first aid products, etc. I'm hoping I can find some great, inexpensive cleaners that will work as wonderfully as our homemade laundry soap recipe does! I'll post my adventures and findings on this one too as I go!
Cleaning
I finally got done steam vac'ing my house! Yeah!!! It looks great. It's taken me forever to get it done. My mom gave us the steam vac for my birthday last year, but because of my Chostochondritis flaring, I haven't been able to do it.
The past month though I have been on a mission to get my house to stay clean. I started a new routine, and I'm so happy with how it is going. Because of the routine, I have focused on getting the carpets on just one floor of the house done at a time. This seemed like it would be a pain, but our steam vac is actually quite easy to set up, and that gives the rest of the house for the kids to play in so they don't end up playing on wet floors.
So, here is my solution for keeping a house actually CLEAN with minimal effort. Every morning I:
- wipe down the shower in our bathroom, the counters and toilets in all of the bathrooms and clean the inside of the toilets in all of the bathrooms
- clean the surfaces in the kitchen
- put a load of laundry on (Erik puts our laundry away, and on the weekend does any laundry that doesn't get done during the week... have I mentioned I have the best husband on the planet??)
These rooms don't get dirty because they get cleaned everyday, so doing ALL of that takes less than 15 minutes, and our bathrooms like freshly cleaned all day everyday. I wish I could say the same for the kitchen, but it is such a high traffic spot that it tends to collect junk. Still, it is clean at the start of every day.
Once I am done the everyday stuff, I work for 30-45 minutes on one floor of the house, the same floor each day for a week, and then switch to another floor the next week (we have 4 floors in our house). This means that every room gets a very thorough cleaning once a month, yes I realize that is enough to make some people shudder, but we are not very good about getting dusting and stuff done, so this is FANTASTIC for us, and remember those places that get really icky are getting cleaned everyday.
That just leaves the floors that need mopped, which we can get away with doing once a week, so I make sure I hit those at some point during the week and I am set! My plan is to pick one big thing on each floor to do along with maintenance cleaning each month. This month I picked the carpet, so everything got steam vac'd. Next month I'm thinking scrubbing floors by hand and doing baseboards... but i haven't decided for sure, I'd also really like to do closets and cupboards, so we'll see. One more floor left this month. This is week 4, but we had some bigger than normal messes this month because it's the first month so I had to spend 2 weeks on the family room level, but I'm okay with that, this system feels very forgiving to me. I hope I can maintain it!
The past month though I have been on a mission to get my house to stay clean. I started a new routine, and I'm so happy with how it is going. Because of the routine, I have focused on getting the carpets on just one floor of the house done at a time. This seemed like it would be a pain, but our steam vac is actually quite easy to set up, and that gives the rest of the house for the kids to play in so they don't end up playing on wet floors.
So, here is my solution for keeping a house actually CLEAN with minimal effort. Every morning I:
- wipe down the shower in our bathroom, the counters and toilets in all of the bathrooms and clean the inside of the toilets in all of the bathrooms
- clean the surfaces in the kitchen
- put a load of laundry on (Erik puts our laundry away, and on the weekend does any laundry that doesn't get done during the week... have I mentioned I have the best husband on the planet??)
These rooms don't get dirty because they get cleaned everyday, so doing ALL of that takes less than 15 minutes, and our bathrooms like freshly cleaned all day everyday. I wish I could say the same for the kitchen, but it is such a high traffic spot that it tends to collect junk. Still, it is clean at the start of every day.
Once I am done the everyday stuff, I work for 30-45 minutes on one floor of the house, the same floor each day for a week, and then switch to another floor the next week (we have 4 floors in our house). This means that every room gets a very thorough cleaning once a month, yes I realize that is enough to make some people shudder, but we are not very good about getting dusting and stuff done, so this is FANTASTIC for us, and remember those places that get really icky are getting cleaned everyday.
That just leaves the floors that need mopped, which we can get away with doing once a week, so I make sure I hit those at some point during the week and I am set! My plan is to pick one big thing on each floor to do along with maintenance cleaning each month. This month I picked the carpet, so everything got steam vac'd. Next month I'm thinking scrubbing floors by hand and doing baseboards... but i haven't decided for sure, I'd also really like to do closets and cupboards, so we'll see. One more floor left this month. This is week 4, but we had some bigger than normal messes this month because it's the first month so I had to spend 2 weeks on the family room level, but I'm okay with that, this system feels very forgiving to me. I hope I can maintain it!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Family Blog Updated
I finally got our family blog updated! Check it out:
http://dayinthehomeschoollife.blogspot.com/
http://dayinthehomeschoollife.blogspot.com/
Monday, June 7, 2010
A quick quote
" Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. "
- Mary Catherwood
- Mary Catherwood
Friday, June 4, 2010
Things That Delight Me
In no particular order:
- listening to my son play as he weaves his own imaginary world.
- talking to friends
- talking about God
- even better yet, talking to friends about God :)
- having my nice warm kitty crawl up on my lap
- cuddling up in warm blankets
- sleeping in
- waking up to a clean house
- clothes, blankets, and towels fresh out of the dryer
- snuggling with a baby
- reading a really good book, the kind you don't ever want to put down
- finishing a project
- being able to "be there" for a friend
- tulips
- bright sunny, cool, days
- freshly fallen snow
- the moon glistening off of the snow
- the feel of air blowing through my hair during a boat ride
- getting really good coupon deals
- getting something for nothing
- comfortable silences with those I love
- Christmas morning
- walks in the woods
- Yellowstone
- nature
- feeling completely and totally in sync and connected with God
- the silence of a house right after everyone goes to bed
- morning snuggles in bed (after I'm awake :) )
- getting to know those people that I know the second I meet them will become friends.
- checking my e-mails in the morning and finding e-mails from friends
- opening my business e-mail to find a lot of orders waiting
- beautiful scents that don't make me sneeze
- vanilla
- surprising someone
- baking a special treat
- cookie dough
- impulse hugs and kisses from the littles
- snuggling and reading a story with my son
- seeing the look of pride cross Nick's face when he accomplishes something
- seeing 10 packages on the porch all full of orders I put together and all ready to go
- teaching a class
- seeing the moment something "clicks" ina person's eyes, especially if I have been teaching that something to them.
I could go on all day.... I think I'll stop there for today though.
- listening to my son play as he weaves his own imaginary world.
- talking to friends
- talking about God
- even better yet, talking to friends about God :)
- having my nice warm kitty crawl up on my lap
- cuddling up in warm blankets
- sleeping in
- waking up to a clean house
- clothes, blankets, and towels fresh out of the dryer
- snuggling with a baby
- reading a really good book, the kind you don't ever want to put down
- finishing a project
- being able to "be there" for a friend
- tulips
- bright sunny, cool, days
- freshly fallen snow
- the moon glistening off of the snow
- the feel of air blowing through my hair during a boat ride
- getting really good coupon deals
- getting something for nothing
- comfortable silences with those I love
- Christmas morning
- walks in the woods
- Yellowstone
- nature
- feeling completely and totally in sync and connected with God
- the silence of a house right after everyone goes to bed
- morning snuggles in bed (after I'm awake :) )
- getting to know those people that I know the second I meet them will become friends.
- checking my e-mails in the morning and finding e-mails from friends
- opening my business e-mail to find a lot of orders waiting
- beautiful scents that don't make me sneeze
- vanilla
- surprising someone
- baking a special treat
- cookie dough
- impulse hugs and kisses from the littles
- snuggling and reading a story with my son
- seeing the look of pride cross Nick's face when he accomplishes something
- seeing 10 packages on the porch all full of orders I put together and all ready to go
- teaching a class
- seeing the moment something "clicks" ina person's eyes, especially if I have been teaching that something to them.
I could go on all day.... I think I'll stop there for today though.
Monday, May 24, 2010
So much to do...
I think I need to split into about 3 or 4 people, or at the very least 2. There is just so much to do and it seems like I can never even make headway on it because as soon as I make headway in one area, then the others get worse. I know I need to trim back what I need to do, but I can't figure out how, because none of the things I do are optional. What do I cut... the business? time with Nick? homeschooling? time with Erik? family time? housecleaning (yeah, that's already been cut too short)? Just too many responsibilities for one person!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
What is it about pink?
Have you ever noticed how many women adore pink? Add to that other shades in the pink family.... burgundies, roses, etc, and you'll hit a lot of women's favorite colors. I wonder what it is about pink that has such girl appeal? I could be the pink is for girl's thing, but I don't think so, I mean blue is for boys, but not all men love blue, in fact I'd bet there are more men who love red than blue, most men I know like red or green. So why do we love pink?
Not that it really matters, it's a beautiful color, just a thought to ponder.
Not that it really matters, it's a beautiful color, just a thought to ponder.
This Week
This week has been one of those weeks that makes me question my sanity. Why am I doing this? Why don't I just pack up my child and send him off to school everyday, just like most of the other mother's in the world? It's not that there has been any issue with homeschooling, but the kids are driving me CRAZY. They've been fighting non-stop around the clock it seems like. They're yelling at each other , I'm yelling at them to stop yelling at each other, Erik's yelling at the kids, I'm yelling at Erik, the kids are yelling more, and all I want to do is sit in the middle of the floor and cry. I am not a yelling person, I don't like to get that angry, and I don't like to be around yelling. I know we are all feeding off of each other, we've just got to break the cycle. We need a nice quiet family day, but both Erik and I have got a ton of stuff to get done this weekend, so it is not likely to happen, plus we are just coming off of a vacation where we had plenty of relaxing time. Seriously though... would public school really be so bad? No, it wouldn't, but it isn't the best either, and that is what I want for my son, the best... now if I can just get our house back to being the best, we'll be all set.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
In-laws
I just got home from a week long trip to California. We went back for my brother-in-law's wedding and then stayed a few extra days to visit and go to Disneyland. I was reminded yet again how lucky I am to have wonderful in-laws who I really love and who I get along with. Moving away from all of our family was one of the hardest things we've ever done, but the time came where living in California no longer felt like an option, the move was something we needed to do. Still, being around our families just reminded me of the incredible amount of love and wisdom we have at an arm's reach.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Being A Thief
I will happily tell you that I have never stolen anything in my life.... or at least I would have said that until yesterday. Yesterday, I was reading and came to the understanding that I have stolen. I have stolen me... I have stolen the blessings God has intended to give to people through me. Not all of them of course, but there have been times in my life when I have consciously made the decision not to do something I knew God wanted me to do because I did not feel that I could do it, was too embarrassed to do it, or whatever other excuse I came up with at that moment. I am firmly resolved to do my very best never to steal in this way again!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
"Conversion" Story Update - or What Is Going on Right Now
Okay, I just posted my "conversion" story, and as promissed I'm going to give the update on what is going on now, and perhaps in doing so will gain some much needed clarity myself, because there is a whole lot going on.
First off, I want to say that I HATE being called a convert. A convert is someone who changes their beliefs, and 98% of my beliefs are the same today as they were before any of that story took place. I believe in the same God and I believe He operates the same way. Really, the only major differences now are that I believe that the Book of Mormon was actually inspired by God, that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and not a possible crazy person (wasn't too sure either way about that before), that the LDS prophet is a real prophet (wasn't sure one way or the other about that before either), and that the LDS church is the only church which is allowed to have a living prophet in this day in age (maybe someday I'll write more about that.. maybe not... we'll see). Other than that, my beliefs are the same as always, so I do not really consider myself a convert, but I can see how the church does. This is the reason you will see me put conversion and convert in quotes when I use them referring to myself.
Okay, now that that is said, here is my update, I'm first going to run through in the order of the story, and then add a bit on. Sorry if it comes out a bit disjointed.
I started my journey in the church out with an opportunity(?) to share my story in front of several hundred people at the Stake conference last year. Despite the fact that I am quite shy and not huge on public speaking, I am a fairly decent public speaker and the speach went fairly well I believe. I've not spoken in church since. Well, I've said a few things, but honestly I generally keep my mouth closed most of the time. There are several reasons for this. First, I have been trying to learn what the church teaches. Second, I have been trying very hard to not be judged by the people in the church because I do not talk about God the way they do. My relationship with Him is very different. Plus, I've just not had much to say. As far as speaking again in church, well we'll see if I get asked to at some point, but since topics are generally assigned, I'm probably best left in the audience.
I am still talking to God, sorry not going to stop that :) and I'm so glad that the church and it's members believe in personal revelation, it's quite nice to be around people again who don't think I'm crazy if I say God told me something. God and I have had many good talks the last little while, as you will probably notice if you read the posts before this one.
I got the church community, in fact I've never seen a church so good at establishing a sense of community. It is my favorite thing about this church.
I have not had many opportunities to be of help to others, which saddens me. I do not know if they have been there and I've just missed them or what has happened, but I hope that there will be more opportunities available. I was asked to be part of a committee, which I did for a short time, and then never heard anything more. I was also asked to teach a group in the primary, but this I did not do as I felt quite strongly that God was directing me not to, and also felt it would be a big conflict as I knew it would involve teaching some thing that I do not believe, which I am really not comfortable with.
I got the friend that I can talk about God with. We don't agree on everything, but I do enjoy discussing things with her. A mentor I did not get, I would still love to have a spiritual mentor, but for now God is sufficient. I think it would be difficult for me to find someone who believed enough of the same things that I do to really pull that off, but if God can find someone I'd be thrilled. In the meantime I strive to learn what I can from a number of people who I respect and who have pretty varied talents.
My beliefs are still my beliefs, little has changed in that arena as I mentioned earlier, but they have become clearer in my mind, and I have even begun writing them down, making my own personal statement of beliefs.
I still know that the Book of Mormon was sent by God. I'm not yet so sure about the other LDS scriptures, and I am okay with that. I take what spiritually feels right to me and do not take what does not. This is what I always do, and it is what the church teaches, although I sometimes get the impression that it is not really considered acceptable to believe some things and not everything, but that may well just be my perception.
We have a new bishop at the church who I really like. He is also our home teacher, so I hope we (we meaning me, since Erik does not attend) will get to know him better, unfortunately I've not been able to talk with him much as it has understandably been quite busy for him as he's made the transition in.
Let's see.... the next part of the story was the vision, no real updates there. After that I discussed the role of the church in the last days. I have one question that God keeps giving to me over and over and no one has been able to answer for me. I'm not even fully sure what it means. Hopefully eventually someone will be able to answer it, because it is apparently something I need to know. If you know a lot about the end times, please let me know and I'll send you the question and see if you know the answer, I'm pretty sure there must be one.
I am not currently attending the church. Near the end of the year God told me that for right now He does not need me to be there. I was hesitant to stop going and spent a lot of time in prayer, but I know that I needed a break. Being at the church was not drawing me closer to Him, instead it was pulling me away. This is absolutely not because of anything at the church, I just really needed to spend a lot of quality time with God and all of the responsibilities that come with the church were interfering with that, plus all of my constantly questioning God about the churches teachings was keeping me from being able to learn about the things He was steering me towards. Will I go back to the church? Probably, I don't think I'm done there yet, but I don't know. When God tells me to go back, I will go. In the meantime He has had me studying like crazy and working on several projects. The biggest one I started a couple of months ago. It is a blog about the things I have been through in my life and the incredible healing lessons God has taught me. It is entirely Christian in nature and primarily focuses on things that I think pretty much any religion I've ever been would agree upon. It started out with a focus on forgiving others, and has kind of grown from there. It has been a great experience for me to realize how far I have come in the past 15 years. I've called it "Achieving Peace" as that is what it is all about, learning to live in the peace of God. I've also been doing a lot of studying as God is steering me into a really interesting path and there is a lot I will have to do to be prepared once He is ready for me to begin it. It is going to involve some planning and some teaching, both of which I love, so I am quite excited. I don't know if it will start next year, or in 10 years, but it is still quite exciting.
So that is where I am at. My biggest thing right now is trying to figure out how to be a part of a church where I believe 95% of the teachings, but disagree with 5%. I don't care too much about that 5%, but most of the things I disagree with are HUGE in the church. This is a conflict, and I am trying to sort out how to manage that. I am also trying to sort out what that means for Nick and what he learns at church. I suspect if I figure out one or the other the rest will fall in place. Either way though, if God tells me it's time to go back, rest assured I will.
First off, I want to say that I HATE being called a convert. A convert is someone who changes their beliefs, and 98% of my beliefs are the same today as they were before any of that story took place. I believe in the same God and I believe He operates the same way. Really, the only major differences now are that I believe that the Book of Mormon was actually inspired by God, that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and not a possible crazy person (wasn't too sure either way about that before), that the LDS prophet is a real prophet (wasn't sure one way or the other about that before either), and that the LDS church is the only church which is allowed to have a living prophet in this day in age (maybe someday I'll write more about that.. maybe not... we'll see). Other than that, my beliefs are the same as always, so I do not really consider myself a convert, but I can see how the church does. This is the reason you will see me put conversion and convert in quotes when I use them referring to myself.
Okay, now that that is said, here is my update, I'm first going to run through in the order of the story, and then add a bit on. Sorry if it comes out a bit disjointed.
I started my journey in the church out with an opportunity(?) to share my story in front of several hundred people at the Stake conference last year. Despite the fact that I am quite shy and not huge on public speaking, I am a fairly decent public speaker and the speach went fairly well I believe. I've not spoken in church since. Well, I've said a few things, but honestly I generally keep my mouth closed most of the time. There are several reasons for this. First, I have been trying to learn what the church teaches. Second, I have been trying very hard to not be judged by the people in the church because I do not talk about God the way they do. My relationship with Him is very different. Plus, I've just not had much to say. As far as speaking again in church, well we'll see if I get asked to at some point, but since topics are generally assigned, I'm probably best left in the audience.
I am still talking to God, sorry not going to stop that :) and I'm so glad that the church and it's members believe in personal revelation, it's quite nice to be around people again who don't think I'm crazy if I say God told me something. God and I have had many good talks the last little while, as you will probably notice if you read the posts before this one.
I got the church community, in fact I've never seen a church so good at establishing a sense of community. It is my favorite thing about this church.
I have not had many opportunities to be of help to others, which saddens me. I do not know if they have been there and I've just missed them or what has happened, but I hope that there will be more opportunities available. I was asked to be part of a committee, which I did for a short time, and then never heard anything more. I was also asked to teach a group in the primary, but this I did not do as I felt quite strongly that God was directing me not to, and also felt it would be a big conflict as I knew it would involve teaching some thing that I do not believe, which I am really not comfortable with.
I got the friend that I can talk about God with. We don't agree on everything, but I do enjoy discussing things with her. A mentor I did not get, I would still love to have a spiritual mentor, but for now God is sufficient. I think it would be difficult for me to find someone who believed enough of the same things that I do to really pull that off, but if God can find someone I'd be thrilled. In the meantime I strive to learn what I can from a number of people who I respect and who have pretty varied talents.
My beliefs are still my beliefs, little has changed in that arena as I mentioned earlier, but they have become clearer in my mind, and I have even begun writing them down, making my own personal statement of beliefs.
I still know that the Book of Mormon was sent by God. I'm not yet so sure about the other LDS scriptures, and I am okay with that. I take what spiritually feels right to me and do not take what does not. This is what I always do, and it is what the church teaches, although I sometimes get the impression that it is not really considered acceptable to believe some things and not everything, but that may well just be my perception.
We have a new bishop at the church who I really like. He is also our home teacher, so I hope we (we meaning me, since Erik does not attend) will get to know him better, unfortunately I've not been able to talk with him much as it has understandably been quite busy for him as he's made the transition in.
Let's see.... the next part of the story was the vision, no real updates there. After that I discussed the role of the church in the last days. I have one question that God keeps giving to me over and over and no one has been able to answer for me. I'm not even fully sure what it means. Hopefully eventually someone will be able to answer it, because it is apparently something I need to know. If you know a lot about the end times, please let me know and I'll send you the question and see if you know the answer, I'm pretty sure there must be one.
I am not currently attending the church. Near the end of the year God told me that for right now He does not need me to be there. I was hesitant to stop going and spent a lot of time in prayer, but I know that I needed a break. Being at the church was not drawing me closer to Him, instead it was pulling me away. This is absolutely not because of anything at the church, I just really needed to spend a lot of quality time with God and all of the responsibilities that come with the church were interfering with that, plus all of my constantly questioning God about the churches teachings was keeping me from being able to learn about the things He was steering me towards. Will I go back to the church? Probably, I don't think I'm done there yet, but I don't know. When God tells me to go back, I will go. In the meantime He has had me studying like crazy and working on several projects. The biggest one I started a couple of months ago. It is a blog about the things I have been through in my life and the incredible healing lessons God has taught me. It is entirely Christian in nature and primarily focuses on things that I think pretty much any religion I've ever been would agree upon. It started out with a focus on forgiving others, and has kind of grown from there. It has been a great experience for me to realize how far I have come in the past 15 years. I've called it "Achieving Peace" as that is what it is all about, learning to live in the peace of God. I've also been doing a lot of studying as God is steering me into a really interesting path and there is a lot I will have to do to be prepared once He is ready for me to begin it. It is going to involve some planning and some teaching, both of which I love, so I am quite excited. I don't know if it will start next year, or in 10 years, but it is still quite exciting.
So that is where I am at. My biggest thing right now is trying to figure out how to be a part of a church where I believe 95% of the teachings, but disagree with 5%. I don't care too much about that 5%, but most of the things I disagree with are HUGE in the church. This is a conflict, and I am trying to sort out how to manage that. I am also trying to sort out what that means for Nick and what he learns at church. I suspect if I figure out one or the other the rest will fall in place. Either way though, if God tells me it's time to go back, rest assured I will.
My "Conversion" Story or How I Ended Up In the LDS Church
Last February I joined the mormon church, and excluding telling EVERYONE at our stake conference, I've told almost no one the story, so I decided to post it here. I've been avoiding it because I know a lot of my non-LDS friends are going to think I've wigged out and lost it when they read this story, but it is true. A few of you are REALLY going to think I've lost it, because I suspect a few of the people reading this don't believe in personal revelation (that God speaks to us today), in which case you'll probably think I'm off my rocker), but I've decided that's okay too. I know God talks with me and He has since I was a young child, even though I was raised in a church that taught that He did not, I always talked with Him. I've never discussed it much with people for fear they'd think I was crazy, but I've decided over the last few weeks that I not hiding anymore, because by protecting myself I hide a big part of who God is in my life. So, here is my "conversion" story, and in the next post, I'll tell you a bit more about what is going on.
This is adapted from the talk I gave at the stake conference last April, when the story was fresher in my mind. I've pulled out a lot of the "lesson" things that were in it and taken it back to the raw story, you can take from it what you like, even if that is just knowing a bit more about me and who I am than you did before. I wish I could find the original edition because I had to cut a lot out to fit it into the 10 or 15 minutes (can't remember which it was) that they gave me. I've tried to add in the details I remember, but it has been a long time. If I'm ever able to locate that original I'll repost.
To give you a quick background on myself, I was raised baptist until I was about 11 years old, at which point my family moved and stopped attending church. As an adult I've attended several churches of different denominations, learning what I could from each, but in the end leaving each feeling like there was still some piece missing. Eventually, I stopped attending church, choosing rather to study and learn on my own. I was frustrated, and felt as though there was no church out there that really understood the loving God that I had come to know. Each church had valuable insight on who He is, but there always seemed to be important gaps in understanding who our Heavenly Father really is, especially when it came to His love for us.
So, I studied and prayed on my own, and learned about the Lord from the Bible, from prayer, and from the lessons He taught me through personal revelation. This worked okay for me, but I missed the fellowship of other Christians, and once I had my son, I really missed the opportunity to have others supporting the things I was trying to teach him.
I wanted to be part of a church community again, but at the same time, was rather hesitant to join a church because my experiences within churches had often left me frustrated. They seemed like a breeding ground for backbiting and gossipping, rather than the home of the type of fellowship I was truly looking for. I wanted to go to a church where I could help and where I could learn from others.
With all of this weighing on my mind, I went to the Heavenly Father in prayer asking for His help in getting where He wanted me to be and for Him to send someone who could better help me understand who He is. I had a lot of questions for Him, but there were two things that kept coming up over and over:
------- The first, that He would show me who I could help. That He would allow me to serve Him by serving His people. I know that each of us has a purpose here, and I wanted to fulfill my purpose. I have never found more joy than those times I have been able to help others on their path. But, being pretty new to town and not knowing many people, I really didn't feel like I was in a place to come in contact with those who I might be to help.
---------My second prayer was that He would send me someone, a friend or mentor, or someone that could help me find a friend or mentor that could better help me understand some of the things I was having questions about, those things that although He kept showing them to me, I just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around. Someone who I could speak openly with about my beliefs and experiences, or someone who would help lead me to such a person or people who knew the information I was searching after. )
I prayed this for months. Almost every time I did a woman, who I had just recently met, through a playgroup my son was in, came into my mind. I knew that it wasn't coincidence, but I really didn't know what I was supposed to do. I couldn't exactly just walk up and start asking her why God was showing me her. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. Knowing that the Lord knows me and how hard that would be for me, I couldn't even imagine that that would be what He was telling me to do. So I asked God to open up the door for us so that we could discuss whatever it was He had in mind.
She was a member of the LDS church, I knew that, and I was not really sure that I wanted to go to a church, and not really knowing much about the beliefs of the church, I was sure that the Lord had just sent me the friend or mentor I had asked for, and that she just happened to be LDS. It didn't even occur to me at that point that He might be sending me to the church.
Anyways, months passed and we became better friends, but we didn't discuss religion at all until late January or early February. She and I were chatting on the computer, as we sometimes do, and we started discussing our personal beliefs. She asked me many questions about what I believed, and she was really surprised that so many of my beliefs were so close to her own. In fact I distinctly remember her jokingly asking me several times if I was sure I was not LDS.
I was surprised at how accepting she was of my beliefs, even those that I knew weren't the same as hers, and those that I knew most churches would not teach.
Because we had spent so much time discussing my beliefs, and she had not really told me much about what she believed, other than that we had a lot in common, I was curious about what the church taught on several of the issues we discussed.
Nothing motivates me like curiosity, so the next day I spent hours online looking up what the church taught about several topics that were important to me, so that I would better understand my friend's beliefs. It's amazing how many wonderful resources there are on the internet about the teachings of the LDS church.
I was quite surprised to discover how closely the teachings of the church aligned with my beliefs, especially some of those that are not taught in most Christian churches. I had never before heard of a Christian church that believed in the pre-existance, and knew of only a few that believed in personal revelation and that God communicates with us still today. It was exciting to learn that my friend held some of these beliefs in common with me, and made me even more curious about the church's other teachings.
Still, despite all of this, I wasn't sure if the Heavenly Father was leading me towards the church, or had just sent me a special friend who believed many of the same things as me so that it would be easy to share and uplift one another.
A couple of days later when I saw my friend, she gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine of Covenants, and A Pearl of Great Price, she was obviously nervous to give them to me, in fact she was afraid that I'd be offended, which made me all the more appreciative that she would take the risk to give them to me.
That night I sat down with the intent to read in them a little bit, but strangely found myself unable to even open them up. I felt as though the Holy Spirit was discouraging me from reading them, which concerned me some, so instead, I spent some time in prayer.
I knew the Lord would provide the guidance I needed so that I would end up where He wanted me. As I sat there that night near tears, praying and praying to the Heavenly father. I was overwhelmed with questions and at the same time felt overwhelmed by this incredible love for the people of this area, and felt an intense urge to serve His people in any way that I could. The burning inside of me was so strong, I knew that this prompting was coming from Him. It may seem like these are odd things to have going on at the same time, but I knew that until I was where He needed me to be, I could not do anything for those He wanted me to be a blessing to, so the urge to help drove me on to find out what I was supposed to be doing.
I prayed for His guidance, and prayed for help understanding where He was sending me and what He was wanting me to do and where I was even supposed to start. I told Him that I knew He was leading me somewhere, but that I really felt like He was going to have to hit me upside the head with it because I just wasn't getting it.
I asked Him if He was sending me to the LDS church, and then sat there in the quiet for a moment, awaiting an answer. The answer I got was really not the direct answer to my question that I had been expecting, but what He told me was that He was going to send me to a church that would meet my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and that would be a place where I could be of service to His people.
I again asked, is the church you are sending me to the LDS church? are you wanting me to join the mormon church? I really was not sure if this was the church He meant. He told me to calm myself down and stop being so overly anxious (something I frequently here from Him). He then told me to go and see the head of the local LDS church and see if I felt like I could submit myself to the authority of the leaders of the church. Which sounds easy enough, but I have a thing about ministers... they give me the creeps, so this was a major request, and I knew He knew that. He told me to talk to my friend and haver her set it up, so that is what I did, and having her along for the journey did make it much easier.
Now you would probably have thought that would be enough, but I'm stubborn, and I wanted all of the information right away. I felt very uneasy about the idea of approaching a minister at a church that I knew almost nothing about. Besides, if He was planning on sending me to the LDS church, why was I having so much trouble trying to read the Book of Mormon when I had tried?
So, I asked Him if this church really understood Him and knew the truth of who He is, because I only wanted to go to the church that knows Him and can teach me everything about Him and who He really is, not just some of the truth, but everything there is to know. If I was going to go to a church, I wanted it to be the church that knows everything.
His answer took me off guard. He told me that no person (or church) is capable of truly understanding who He is while they are here on earth, because He is more than our earthly minds are capable of understanding. But, that the LDS church had information and understanding that no other church had, information that He wanted me to understand.
I was a little surprised, but feeling pretty good because now I was starting to feel like I was pretty sure of the direction He was sending me. But I suddenly had a million more questions come popping to my mind. I started by asking him “ So, The Book of Mormon and this Joseph Smith guy, are they real? Did You really send them?” I honestly was just expecting a simple yes or no answer, but He did not answer with words, but rather with an amazing vision, more clear than any vision He had ever shown me before. He showed me just who they were.
I saw Joseph Smith in the grove, kneeling facing two men. The light there was near blinding it was so bright, and yet it didn't hurt my eyes to look into it. I saw two men, one of whom I immediately recognized as Christ, the other I believed to be an angel (the church teaches that this was the Heavenly Father). The light that shone from them was so bright it was hard to see them clearly through it.
Facing them, I saw Joseph Smith, kneeling there on the ground, he too was surrounded in light, although a fainter light. I immediately knew who he was, and understood that he had been specially chosen for this task. Long before he was born, he had been the one chosen to start this church, he had been chosen as a prophet of God.
I then saw Joseph Smith, translating the Book, that had been hidden for so long and protected so carefully, waiting for that very time and place to carry it's special message to the people of this time.
One of the most amazing things though to me, both then, and still now today, is the realization that Joseph Smith had chosen to do this. Knowing in his heart that it would be an incredibly difficult road to follow, both physically and spiritually. He could have said no, and gone about his life, I doubt anyone would have blamed him. I know there are times when I've been asked to do much simpler things, things as simple as having a conversation with someone, and have not done them because they seemed to hard, yet here he was doing exactly what the Lord asked of Him, even though it would not be an easy task and was sure to bring the attacks of every evil Satan could muster. That must have taken a courage that we can only imagine and just thinking about it makes everything the Lord asks me to do seem so simple.
After He showed me Joseph Smith translating the Book of Mormon, He showed me some people coming onto this continent for the first time, a very, very long time ago. I now assume they were Lehi and Nephi, although at the time I didn't know who they were. Even though I didn't know exactly who they were, I did understand that God had sent them here to protect them, but more importantly for us, He had sent them here to establish His church on this continent. It was clear that along with their personal ministries, the Father's plan was that they would lay the path for the church that would come later. I saw how they brought the teachings of the Israelites with them, and I understood that their writings and the writings of those that came after them were the ones in the book given to Joseph Smith. They had written those things specifically for Joseph Smith to translate so that we could better understand the Heavenly Father, and have the guidance we need in this time. It was an amazing thing to see, and understand, and I was overwhelmed by all of the trouble God had gone to once again in order to make sure that His people would know what He wanted them to know.
What I couldn't figure out though, was why, when there were so many churches around at the time of Joseph Smith, why did He start a new one to bring forward this information rather than use one or all of those churches to teach the people what He wanted them to know, why was a new church necessary?
To answer this question, He showed me His special plan for this church. He explained to me that the there was an element of corruption in the beliefs of the other churches of that time that kept them from being able to fully understand what He wanted the people to know, and that were causing confusion and strife amongst His people. In fact many had all but abandoned Him in their attempt to be religious. He helped me to understand that His plan for this church was that they would protect His truth in this world, they would be the protectors of love and purity, and those things which He holds most dear. That this church was given the task of protecting the family, the key example of His love on this earth, until Christ returned again, because without family, there is no way that we could even begin to understand his unconditional love for us (He told me even more about this later on another night when I questioned some of the rules that He has given this church but no others).
He told me that when Christ returned, this church would have a very special role, and showed me some parts of what that role would be.
I came to understand that so many of the rules the church had that I had heard about but that really did not seem to make much sense and even seemed wrong to me were put in place to protect the church from becoming corrupt both from the outside and from within.
After He had finished showing me all of this, I was able to begin reading the Book of Mormon, and better yet was able to read it knowing that it had come from God. I opened it up, and the first thing I saw at the front was the story of Joseph Smith and how He was visited by Christ and the Heavenly Father in the grove that night. It was thrilling to see that confirmation of what the Lord had just shown me. Despite the fact that it was now about 3 in the morning, I had a terrible time getting to sleep that night, it was like trying to fall asleep on Christmas Eve when you are a child, the excitement was overwhelming.
The next day, once the initial excitement had worn off a little bit, I felt humbled and a little overwhelmed that He wanted me to be a part of this. How could He possibly think that I was capable of contributing something worthwhile to this incredible plan that He had. I was happy, but a bit overwhelmed by the entire thing.
With the help of my friend I was able to get an appointment set up to go meet with my ward Bishop, about a week or so after all of this. We felt that he was the one who would be considered the head of the local church. It was very important that I meet with the Bishop and not the missionaries initially, although I can't explain why.
To you, it probably sounds like an easy enough task, go and talk with the Bishop, but I was a nervous wreck. I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to say to him when I got there, or how he would respond if I walked into his office and told him that God had sent me there, my friend reassured me that he would not think I was insane, but I wasn't totally convinced. Top that off with the fact that I had the worst struggle with self-doubt that week that I have ever had in my life, and my dear friend who was helping me with all of this was feeling horribly sick. I didn't know how I was every going to do this, but figured it must be very important since Satan seemed to be pulling out all the stops to keep me from going, knowing that I dug in my heels and dragged myself there. Although I have to admit, I was a little frustrated the the Heavenly Father had told me to go talk to the Bishop, but hadn't told me what I was supposed to go talk to him about!
Fortunately, the bishop was very patient with me. Ironically, by the time I actually met with the Bishop, I already knew that I was going to join the church. I met with him briefly, and shortly after began the missionary lessons.
Before I began the missionary lessons, I did not want to be baptized again, as I had been baptized before and it was causing a real conflict for me, so I spent a great deal of time in prayer. God told me that I should go ahead with the baptism, He wanted me to go to be a part of this church and I would need to be baptized to do that. I think my friend thought I was a bit crazy because I was insistent that I had to make up my mind before the missionaries came. She kept reassuring me that I wouldn't need to know that right then, but I knew that I did. Sure enough, on their first visit they asked me if I would like to be baptized, but by that point it was not an issue, the night before I had come to peace with it. Two weeks after that I was baptized and accepted into the church.
This is adapted from the talk I gave at the stake conference last April, when the story was fresher in my mind. I've pulled out a lot of the "lesson" things that were in it and taken it back to the raw story, you can take from it what you like, even if that is just knowing a bit more about me and who I am than you did before. I wish I could find the original edition because I had to cut a lot out to fit it into the 10 or 15 minutes (can't remember which it was) that they gave me. I've tried to add in the details I remember, but it has been a long time. If I'm ever able to locate that original I'll repost.
To give you a quick background on myself, I was raised baptist until I was about 11 years old, at which point my family moved and stopped attending church. As an adult I've attended several churches of different denominations, learning what I could from each, but in the end leaving each feeling like there was still some piece missing. Eventually, I stopped attending church, choosing rather to study and learn on my own. I was frustrated, and felt as though there was no church out there that really understood the loving God that I had come to know. Each church had valuable insight on who He is, but there always seemed to be important gaps in understanding who our Heavenly Father really is, especially when it came to His love for us.
So, I studied and prayed on my own, and learned about the Lord from the Bible, from prayer, and from the lessons He taught me through personal revelation. This worked okay for me, but I missed the fellowship of other Christians, and once I had my son, I really missed the opportunity to have others supporting the things I was trying to teach him.
I wanted to be part of a church community again, but at the same time, was rather hesitant to join a church because my experiences within churches had often left me frustrated. They seemed like a breeding ground for backbiting and gossipping, rather than the home of the type of fellowship I was truly looking for. I wanted to go to a church where I could help and where I could learn from others.
With all of this weighing on my mind, I went to the Heavenly Father in prayer asking for His help in getting where He wanted me to be and for Him to send someone who could better help me understand who He is. I had a lot of questions for Him, but there were two things that kept coming up over and over:
------- The first, that He would show me who I could help. That He would allow me to serve Him by serving His people. I know that each of us has a purpose here, and I wanted to fulfill my purpose. I have never found more joy than those times I have been able to help others on their path. But, being pretty new to town and not knowing many people, I really didn't feel like I was in a place to come in contact with those who I might be to help.
---------My second prayer was that He would send me someone, a friend or mentor, or someone that could help me find a friend or mentor that could better help me understand some of the things I was having questions about, those things that although He kept showing them to me, I just couldn't seem to wrap my mind around. Someone who I could speak openly with about my beliefs and experiences, or someone who would help lead me to such a person or people who knew the information I was searching after. )
I prayed this for months. Almost every time I did a woman, who I had just recently met, through a playgroup my son was in, came into my mind. I knew that it wasn't coincidence, but I really didn't know what I was supposed to do. I couldn't exactly just walk up and start asking her why God was showing me her. I couldn't imagine doing something like that. Knowing that the Lord knows me and how hard that would be for me, I couldn't even imagine that that would be what He was telling me to do. So I asked God to open up the door for us so that we could discuss whatever it was He had in mind.
She was a member of the LDS church, I knew that, and I was not really sure that I wanted to go to a church, and not really knowing much about the beliefs of the church, I was sure that the Lord had just sent me the friend or mentor I had asked for, and that she just happened to be LDS. It didn't even occur to me at that point that He might be sending me to the church.
Anyways, months passed and we became better friends, but we didn't discuss religion at all until late January or early February. She and I were chatting on the computer, as we sometimes do, and we started discussing our personal beliefs. She asked me many questions about what I believed, and she was really surprised that so many of my beliefs were so close to her own. In fact I distinctly remember her jokingly asking me several times if I was sure I was not LDS.
I was surprised at how accepting she was of my beliefs, even those that I knew weren't the same as hers, and those that I knew most churches would not teach.
Because we had spent so much time discussing my beliefs, and she had not really told me much about what she believed, other than that we had a lot in common, I was curious about what the church taught on several of the issues we discussed.
Nothing motivates me like curiosity, so the next day I spent hours online looking up what the church taught about several topics that were important to me, so that I would better understand my friend's beliefs. It's amazing how many wonderful resources there are on the internet about the teachings of the LDS church.
I was quite surprised to discover how closely the teachings of the church aligned with my beliefs, especially some of those that are not taught in most Christian churches. I had never before heard of a Christian church that believed in the pre-existance, and knew of only a few that believed in personal revelation and that God communicates with us still today. It was exciting to learn that my friend held some of these beliefs in common with me, and made me even more curious about the church's other teachings.
Still, despite all of this, I wasn't sure if the Heavenly Father was leading me towards the church, or had just sent me a special friend who believed many of the same things as me so that it would be easy to share and uplift one another.
A couple of days later when I saw my friend, she gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine of Covenants, and A Pearl of Great Price, she was obviously nervous to give them to me, in fact she was afraid that I'd be offended, which made me all the more appreciative that she would take the risk to give them to me.
That night I sat down with the intent to read in them a little bit, but strangely found myself unable to even open them up. I felt as though the Holy Spirit was discouraging me from reading them, which concerned me some, so instead, I spent some time in prayer.
I knew the Lord would provide the guidance I needed so that I would end up where He wanted me. As I sat there that night near tears, praying and praying to the Heavenly father. I was overwhelmed with questions and at the same time felt overwhelmed by this incredible love for the people of this area, and felt an intense urge to serve His people in any way that I could. The burning inside of me was so strong, I knew that this prompting was coming from Him. It may seem like these are odd things to have going on at the same time, but I knew that until I was where He needed me to be, I could not do anything for those He wanted me to be a blessing to, so the urge to help drove me on to find out what I was supposed to be doing.
I prayed for His guidance, and prayed for help understanding where He was sending me and what He was wanting me to do and where I was even supposed to start. I told Him that I knew He was leading me somewhere, but that I really felt like He was going to have to hit me upside the head with it because I just wasn't getting it.
I asked Him if He was sending me to the LDS church, and then sat there in the quiet for a moment, awaiting an answer. The answer I got was really not the direct answer to my question that I had been expecting, but what He told me was that He was going to send me to a church that would meet my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, and that would be a place where I could be of service to His people.
I again asked, is the church you are sending me to the LDS church? are you wanting me to join the mormon church? I really was not sure if this was the church He meant. He told me to calm myself down and stop being so overly anxious (something I frequently here from Him). He then told me to go and see the head of the local LDS church and see if I felt like I could submit myself to the authority of the leaders of the church. Which sounds easy enough, but I have a thing about ministers... they give me the creeps, so this was a major request, and I knew He knew that. He told me to talk to my friend and haver her set it up, so that is what I did, and having her along for the journey did make it much easier.
Now you would probably have thought that would be enough, but I'm stubborn, and I wanted all of the information right away. I felt very uneasy about the idea of approaching a minister at a church that I knew almost nothing about. Besides, if He was planning on sending me to the LDS church, why was I having so much trouble trying to read the Book of Mormon when I had tried?
So, I asked Him if this church really understood Him and knew the truth of who He is, because I only wanted to go to the church that knows Him and can teach me everything about Him and who He really is, not just some of the truth, but everything there is to know. If I was going to go to a church, I wanted it to be the church that knows everything.
His answer took me off guard. He told me that no person (or church) is capable of truly understanding who He is while they are here on earth, because He is more than our earthly minds are capable of understanding. But, that the LDS church had information and understanding that no other church had, information that He wanted me to understand.
I was a little surprised, but feeling pretty good because now I was starting to feel like I was pretty sure of the direction He was sending me. But I suddenly had a million more questions come popping to my mind. I started by asking him “ So, The Book of Mormon and this Joseph Smith guy, are they real? Did You really send them?” I honestly was just expecting a simple yes or no answer, but He did not answer with words, but rather with an amazing vision, more clear than any vision He had ever shown me before. He showed me just who they were.
I saw Joseph Smith in the grove, kneeling facing two men. The light there was near blinding it was so bright, and yet it didn't hurt my eyes to look into it. I saw two men, one of whom I immediately recognized as Christ, the other I believed to be an angel (the church teaches that this was the Heavenly Father). The light that shone from them was so bright it was hard to see them clearly through it.
Facing them, I saw Joseph Smith, kneeling there on the ground, he too was surrounded in light, although a fainter light. I immediately knew who he was, and understood that he had been specially chosen for this task. Long before he was born, he had been the one chosen to start this church, he had been chosen as a prophet of God.
I then saw Joseph Smith, translating the Book, that had been hidden for so long and protected so carefully, waiting for that very time and place to carry it's special message to the people of this time.
One of the most amazing things though to me, both then, and still now today, is the realization that Joseph Smith had chosen to do this. Knowing in his heart that it would be an incredibly difficult road to follow, both physically and spiritually. He could have said no, and gone about his life, I doubt anyone would have blamed him. I know there are times when I've been asked to do much simpler things, things as simple as having a conversation with someone, and have not done them because they seemed to hard, yet here he was doing exactly what the Lord asked of Him, even though it would not be an easy task and was sure to bring the attacks of every evil Satan could muster. That must have taken a courage that we can only imagine and just thinking about it makes everything the Lord asks me to do seem so simple.
After He showed me Joseph Smith translating the Book of Mormon, He showed me some people coming onto this continent for the first time, a very, very long time ago. I now assume they were Lehi and Nephi, although at the time I didn't know who they were. Even though I didn't know exactly who they were, I did understand that God had sent them here to protect them, but more importantly for us, He had sent them here to establish His church on this continent. It was clear that along with their personal ministries, the Father's plan was that they would lay the path for the church that would come later. I saw how they brought the teachings of the Israelites with them, and I understood that their writings and the writings of those that came after them were the ones in the book given to Joseph Smith. They had written those things specifically for Joseph Smith to translate so that we could better understand the Heavenly Father, and have the guidance we need in this time. It was an amazing thing to see, and understand, and I was overwhelmed by all of the trouble God had gone to once again in order to make sure that His people would know what He wanted them to know.
What I couldn't figure out though, was why, when there were so many churches around at the time of Joseph Smith, why did He start a new one to bring forward this information rather than use one or all of those churches to teach the people what He wanted them to know, why was a new church necessary?
To answer this question, He showed me His special plan for this church. He explained to me that the there was an element of corruption in the beliefs of the other churches of that time that kept them from being able to fully understand what He wanted the people to know, and that were causing confusion and strife amongst His people. In fact many had all but abandoned Him in their attempt to be religious. He helped me to understand that His plan for this church was that they would protect His truth in this world, they would be the protectors of love and purity, and those things which He holds most dear. That this church was given the task of protecting the family, the key example of His love on this earth, until Christ returned again, because without family, there is no way that we could even begin to understand his unconditional love for us (He told me even more about this later on another night when I questioned some of the rules that He has given this church but no others).
He told me that when Christ returned, this church would have a very special role, and showed me some parts of what that role would be.
I came to understand that so many of the rules the church had that I had heard about but that really did not seem to make much sense and even seemed wrong to me were put in place to protect the church from becoming corrupt both from the outside and from within.
After He had finished showing me all of this, I was able to begin reading the Book of Mormon, and better yet was able to read it knowing that it had come from God. I opened it up, and the first thing I saw at the front was the story of Joseph Smith and how He was visited by Christ and the Heavenly Father in the grove that night. It was thrilling to see that confirmation of what the Lord had just shown me. Despite the fact that it was now about 3 in the morning, I had a terrible time getting to sleep that night, it was like trying to fall asleep on Christmas Eve when you are a child, the excitement was overwhelming.
The next day, once the initial excitement had worn off a little bit, I felt humbled and a little overwhelmed that He wanted me to be a part of this. How could He possibly think that I was capable of contributing something worthwhile to this incredible plan that He had. I was happy, but a bit overwhelmed by the entire thing.
With the help of my friend I was able to get an appointment set up to go meet with my ward Bishop, about a week or so after all of this. We felt that he was the one who would be considered the head of the local church. It was very important that I meet with the Bishop and not the missionaries initially, although I can't explain why.
To you, it probably sounds like an easy enough task, go and talk with the Bishop, but I was a nervous wreck. I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to say to him when I got there, or how he would respond if I walked into his office and told him that God had sent me there, my friend reassured me that he would not think I was insane, but I wasn't totally convinced. Top that off with the fact that I had the worst struggle with self-doubt that week that I have ever had in my life, and my dear friend who was helping me with all of this was feeling horribly sick. I didn't know how I was every going to do this, but figured it must be very important since Satan seemed to be pulling out all the stops to keep me from going, knowing that I dug in my heels and dragged myself there. Although I have to admit, I was a little frustrated the the Heavenly Father had told me to go talk to the Bishop, but hadn't told me what I was supposed to go talk to him about!
Fortunately, the bishop was very patient with me. Ironically, by the time I actually met with the Bishop, I already knew that I was going to join the church. I met with him briefly, and shortly after began the missionary lessons.
Before I began the missionary lessons, I did not want to be baptized again, as I had been baptized before and it was causing a real conflict for me, so I spent a great deal of time in prayer. God told me that I should go ahead with the baptism, He wanted me to go to be a part of this church and I would need to be baptized to do that. I think my friend thought I was a bit crazy because I was insistent that I had to make up my mind before the missionaries came. She kept reassuring me that I wouldn't need to know that right then, but I knew that I did. Sure enough, on their first visit they asked me if I would like to be baptized, but by that point it was not an issue, the night before I had come to peace with it. Two weeks after that I was baptized and accepted into the church.
If you knew...
If you knew who you are, who you are in your perfect self, your spiritual self, how would that change who you are here on earth in your imperfect state? If you could see all of the greatness that God created you to be, or even the person that you were before you came to earth or that you will be when you go/return to heaven, how would that change who you are here on earth? Who are you?
Resiliency
Today I am pondering what it is in people that makes them resilient. Why can some people pick up after major hurts and go on, while others are debilitated for life? What is the difference, and how can we instill those traits in our children?
I like to consider myself a fairly resilient person. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life and I still keep going and in the end try to use those things to make me stronger. I know faith plays a big part in this, but I also know that some of it seems to be personality, so is resiliency something I can teach my child, and if so, how do I do that?
I like to consider myself a fairly resilient person. I've been through a lot of stuff in my life and I still keep going and in the end try to use those things to make me stronger. I know faith plays a big part in this, but I also know that some of it seems to be personality, so is resiliency something I can teach my child, and if so, how do I do that?
Friday, April 30, 2010
Favorite Fridays
I love reading blogs when they have theme days. So I've decided to do some of my own. So, today is the first, I'm going to do Favorite Fridays, where I'll tell you about one of my favorite resources, books, etc.
Today's Favorite Friday is:
Favorite Saving Websites - These are the great sites that tell you who is having the best deals for the week. Here are my favorites:
The Krazy Coupon Lady - The Krazy Coupon Lady highlights lots of fantastic deals. She does the weekly coupon deals for the grocery stores, Target, Kmart, and more. She also highlights the really good deals at other stores. At the holiday times she has tons of resources for getting inexpensive toys for gifts!
Discount Queens - This one I found accidentally and a lot of stuff they feature is on The Krazy Coupon Lady, but every now and then they find some fantastic deals that I don't see elsewhere.
Pinching Your Pennies - They have a complete list for the local grocery stores of what's on sale, and what coupons to use. A little harder to use than The Krazy Coupon Lady (in my opinon), but a more comprehensive list. I definitely recommend subscribing to their newsletter, you'll find out about the best deals the fastest that way, especially really good Kohl's, Children's Place, and Staples sales. We've gotten clothes from Children's place with their deals that are the same as thrift store prices for good clothes too.
Today's Favorite Friday is:
Favorite Saving Websites - These are the great sites that tell you who is having the best deals for the week. Here are my favorites:
The Krazy Coupon Lady - The Krazy Coupon Lady highlights lots of fantastic deals. She does the weekly coupon deals for the grocery stores, Target, Kmart, and more. She also highlights the really good deals at other stores. At the holiday times she has tons of resources for getting inexpensive toys for gifts!
Discount Queens - This one I found accidentally and a lot of stuff they feature is on The Krazy Coupon Lady, but every now and then they find some fantastic deals that I don't see elsewhere.
Pinching Your Pennies - They have a complete list for the local grocery stores of what's on sale, and what coupons to use. A little harder to use than The Krazy Coupon Lady (in my opinon), but a more comprehensive list. I definitely recommend subscribing to their newsletter, you'll find out about the best deals the fastest that way, especially really good Kohl's, Children's Place, and Staples sales. We've gotten clothes from Children's place with their deals that are the same as thrift store prices for good clothes too.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Studying
I want to study. I want to study and learn and study some more. I need to study and learn. So, how do I fit that into my already excessively crazy life? I mean honestly I work 8-9 hours a day, homeschool, attempt (ok, it's a poor attempt, but I really do attempt) to keep my house clean, cook meals, love on my child, babysit (a huge blessing because Nick has someone to play with all day) and try not to pull my hair out. I'm already studying a few things, but I want to do more. I need my full 24 hour day without sleeping... do you think I can give up sleeping? Probably not... I get too grouchy. So how do I fit everything in my life in?
Confidence / Self-doubt
Today I had one of those monumental moments when something I have been struggling with really just clicks and I understand it not just in my mind but in my heart.
The last week I have been reading a book about being confident... something I always struggle with. The book has been wonderful, and she said something in it that really struck with me a few days ago, and I've just been thinking and thinking about it. I know it's true, but it wasn't until this morning that it really settled in me.
I don't need to be confident in myself. Sounds crazy, huh? It isn't though, because I can't do anything without God, and I can do all things through God. So the confidence that I need to have is not in myself but in God. I need to be confident in God and trust in Him to guide me and show me what to do and how to do it. God will take care of it, I just need to make myself available to Him and listen to Him. As long as I do my best, He'll do the rest.
What a relief!
I can totally do that, I have complete confidence that God is both able and willing to take care of it all. I've lacked the conifidence in my ability to do some things, but I do not need to have confidence in me, if I have confidence in Him, I just need to follow Him and I can be confident knowing that I am covered. Whew!
The last week I have been reading a book about being confident... something I always struggle with. The book has been wonderful, and she said something in it that really struck with me a few days ago, and I've just been thinking and thinking about it. I know it's true, but it wasn't until this morning that it really settled in me.
I don't need to be confident in myself. Sounds crazy, huh? It isn't though, because I can't do anything without God, and I can do all things through God. So the confidence that I need to have is not in myself but in God. I need to be confident in God and trust in Him to guide me and show me what to do and how to do it. God will take care of it, I just need to make myself available to Him and listen to Him. As long as I do my best, He'll do the rest.
What a relief!
I can totally do that, I have complete confidence that God is both able and willing to take care of it all. I've lacked the conifidence in my ability to do some things, but I do not need to have confidence in me, if I have confidence in Him, I just need to follow Him and I can be confident knowing that I am covered. Whew!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Infertility... cont.
Today the infertility wound is raw and gaping. Infertility is an issue I deal with everyday. Not a day passes that I don't think about the baby we want to have who has not yet joined us. Everday it burns, but somedays, the wound is worse than others. Somedays it is at the back, today it is in the forefront.
I want a baby so badly. Erik would like one, but I don't believe it is the same for him as it is for me. It eats me up inside. I am sad for myself, and I am sad for my son who grows older every day without the pleasure of having a sibling to grow with.
I know that somehow, I must figure out a way to let go of it, to give it to God and trust that we will have all of the children we are supposed to have, one way or another, but I can not do that. I want to but I just can't get there. Somehow, it is much easier for me to believe that if we could just do those infertility treatments, it would happen, but right now, there is just no way that we can manage to pay for even one infertility cycle, and of course there is no guarantee that we can get pregnant after just one. In general, they say to expect it to take several. We did one a year and a bit ago, and it was heartbreaking when it did not work, especially since the doctor made a mistake that may very well have been responsible for it not working.
It just frustrates me to know end that what so many people have to work not to have happen, we have to work and pay money to have happen. For us, having a baby becomes a major expense because not only do we have to spend the money for the infertility treatments, but then we are faced with the normal bills that people have bringing a baby into the world... hospital or midwife, either way means expenses.
We'd happily adopt, but for what it would cost to adopt, we could get pregnant AND have a baby, we could do about 3 infertility cycles and a pregnancy for what it'd cost us to do a private adoption.
Somehow I'm going to have to come to peace with it all... I just don't know how.
I want a baby so badly. Erik would like one, but I don't believe it is the same for him as it is for me. It eats me up inside. I am sad for myself, and I am sad for my son who grows older every day without the pleasure of having a sibling to grow with.
I know that somehow, I must figure out a way to let go of it, to give it to God and trust that we will have all of the children we are supposed to have, one way or another, but I can not do that. I want to but I just can't get there. Somehow, it is much easier for me to believe that if we could just do those infertility treatments, it would happen, but right now, there is just no way that we can manage to pay for even one infertility cycle, and of course there is no guarantee that we can get pregnant after just one. In general, they say to expect it to take several. We did one a year and a bit ago, and it was heartbreaking when it did not work, especially since the doctor made a mistake that may very well have been responsible for it not working.
It just frustrates me to know end that what so many people have to work not to have happen, we have to work and pay money to have happen. For us, having a baby becomes a major expense because not only do we have to spend the money for the infertility treatments, but then we are faced with the normal bills that people have bringing a baby into the world... hospital or midwife, either way means expenses.
We'd happily adopt, but for what it would cost to adopt, we could get pregnant AND have a baby, we could do about 3 infertility cycles and a pregnancy for what it'd cost us to do a private adoption.
Somehow I'm going to have to come to peace with it all... I just don't know how.
Prayer
An interesting, and very true quote from Soren Kierkegaard:
"The immediate person thinks and imagines that when he prays, the important thing, the thing he must concentrate upon, is that God should hear what he is praying for. And yet, in the true, eternal sense, it is just the reverse: the true relation in prayer is not when God hears what is prayed for, but when the person praying continues to pray until he is the one who hears, who hears what God wills. The immediate person, therefore, uses many words and, therefore, makes demands in his prayer; the true man of prayer only attends."
Time spent listening in prayer is always as productive or more productive than time spent talking.
"The immediate person thinks and imagines that when he prays, the important thing, the thing he must concentrate upon, is that God should hear what he is praying for. And yet, in the true, eternal sense, it is just the reverse: the true relation in prayer is not when God hears what is prayed for, but when the person praying continues to pray until he is the one who hears, who hears what God wills. The immediate person, therefore, uses many words and, therefore, makes demands in his prayer; the true man of prayer only attends."
Time spent listening in prayer is always as productive or more productive than time spent talking.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Homeschool Blog
I am sooooo behind on our homeschool blog, I don't know how I'm ever going to get it caught up. The problem is that I like to put lots of photos on it, and that takes forever. Of course the fact that I am bordering on overextended probably isn't helping either. Who'd have thought life as a "stay at home mom" of 1 child could possibly be so darn busy? The worst thing is I just want to do more!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
On Fire
I am on FIRE tonight! Woohooo!
God is truly awesome and I'm so proud to be able to serve Him. Tonight the excitement is just overflowing out of me!
God is truly awesome and I'm so proud to be able to serve Him. Tonight the excitement is just overflowing out of me!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A link you might enjoy
I don't know if anyone reads this blog LOL... but i thought that there might be someone out there who would enjoy this:
www.achievingpeace.wordpress.com
www.achievingpeace.wordpress.com
Friday, April 9, 2010
Problem or Blessing
I've been learning a lot lately about how the way we choose to look at something affects how we see that issue, and the effect it has on our lives. Like most people, I've heard this millions of times, but lately I have realy come to understand it and see just how much our perception can change things.
We can choose to view anything that happens to us as a problem, or as a blessing. Even those things that seem like hardships teach us and help us become better people, sometimes the moments that seem the hardest in our lives are also the most defining. Likewise, even with the most wonderful things that can happen to us, if we search we will find problems in them. That wonderful new responsibility that we were so excited to get takes time away from something else we enjoy doing.
Today I was looking at some music on youtube and came across the song "Breath of Heaven", which is one of my all time favorite songs. It is basically sung from Mary's point of view when she is pregnant. Anyways, that got me thinking. Mary is generally viewed as one of the most blessed women of all time, I mean this is the woman who gave birth to and raised Christ, what an incredible priviledge. And what a nightmare! Think of all the things that poor woman went through in her life. She could easily have wondered why God did this to her. What did she do wrong that made God give her a son who she would have to watch struggle just because of who He is? What did she do wrong to have to watch her innocent son get tortured and hung on a cross by the very people he'd been trying to help? Imagine what she must have faced. Did she view it as an awesome priviledge? An awesome burden? A punishment? I really can't tell you, we don't know much about what life was like for her. It was her decision though, certainly she could very easily have justified any of these answers.
My point is that everything that happens in our life can either be a blessing or a burden, it is up to us to decide which it is. I am really going to try to work much harder to view life's situations as blessings rather than problems.
We can choose to view anything that happens to us as a problem, or as a blessing. Even those things that seem like hardships teach us and help us become better people, sometimes the moments that seem the hardest in our lives are also the most defining. Likewise, even with the most wonderful things that can happen to us, if we search we will find problems in them. That wonderful new responsibility that we were so excited to get takes time away from something else we enjoy doing.
Today I was looking at some music on youtube and came across the song "Breath of Heaven", which is one of my all time favorite songs. It is basically sung from Mary's point of view when she is pregnant. Anyways, that got me thinking. Mary is generally viewed as one of the most blessed women of all time, I mean this is the woman who gave birth to and raised Christ, what an incredible priviledge. And what a nightmare! Think of all the things that poor woman went through in her life. She could easily have wondered why God did this to her. What did she do wrong that made God give her a son who she would have to watch struggle just because of who He is? What did she do wrong to have to watch her innocent son get tortured and hung on a cross by the very people he'd been trying to help? Imagine what she must have faced. Did she view it as an awesome priviledge? An awesome burden? A punishment? I really can't tell you, we don't know much about what life was like for her. It was her decision though, certainly she could very easily have justified any of these answers.
My point is that everything that happens in our life can either be a blessing or a burden, it is up to us to decide which it is. I am really going to try to work much harder to view life's situations as blessings rather than problems.
Classes
I'm considering offering a few classes. Haven't quite figured out how they are going to come together, or when, but if I can find enough interested people I will definitely be moving forward with them.
Couponing Class : Learn the basics of couponing including tricks of the trade, websites to help making couponing easier, organizing your coupons, seeing the most benefit for your effort. Learn to save big bucks on your shopping.
Class Size - no more than 15
Number of Sessions: 2 The first class runs approximately 1 to 2 hours and covers the information above, the second class meets for aprox. 1/2 hour followed by a couponing shopping trip.
Cost: $5 (includes both classes)
Forgiving Through Faith class: Learn why it is important to forgive, and more importantly HOW to forgive the people who are the hardest (you know, those people you don't think you really should have to forgive, or who you don't think you can forgive). This is a faith based class but is not geared towards any one religion, if you believe in God, you should be comfortable at the class.
Cost: Free
Class size : 15 person limit
Number of Sessions: 1
Couponing Class : Learn the basics of couponing including tricks of the trade, websites to help making couponing easier, organizing your coupons, seeing the most benefit for your effort. Learn to save big bucks on your shopping.
Class Size - no more than 15
Number of Sessions: 2 The first class runs approximately 1 to 2 hours and covers the information above, the second class meets for aprox. 1/2 hour followed by a couponing shopping trip.
Cost: $5 (includes both classes)
Forgiving Through Faith class: Learn why it is important to forgive, and more importantly HOW to forgive the people who are the hardest (you know, those people you don't think you really should have to forgive, or who you don't think you can forgive). This is a faith based class but is not geared towards any one religion, if you believe in God, you should be comfortable at the class.
Cost: Free
Class size : 15 person limit
Number of Sessions: 1
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Praise
Isn't it amazing how God will often give us a job or project, and in the end it will benefit us as much as or more than the person who we do it for? I've had a case of the blues lately, and have been struggling to get rid of them. Not so long ago, God had me start work on a blog project (not this blog), and one of the things I wrote about is how much praise helps with overcoming sadness and/or depression. I know this, I've experienced it, and I just wrote about it, so what did I do when I had the blues? NOTHING!!! Well, that's not entirely true, but nothing helpful, I just kept thinking how much I needed to snap out of it. Suddenly yesterday, I remembered that I know what to do, I know how to snap out of it. I pulled out my favorite praise music, and within 10 minutes I felt fantastic! I'm so glad God had me write that, I apparently really needed the reminder.
Today I'm feeling so thankful for the wonderful people in my life that taught me how to truly praise God with my whole heart and my whole being. Over the years it has been one of the things that has most changed my life.
Today I'm feeling so thankful for the wonderful people in my life that taught me how to truly praise God with my whole heart and my whole being. Over the years it has been one of the things that has most changed my life.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Forgiveness
I have to share. The next chapter in the book I'm reading is on forgviness. I haven't gotten started on it yet, but I am very excited. This is my very, very favorite topic. I know first hand the incredible freedom and healing that comes from forgiving people, especially those people we least want to forgive and those we feel unable to forgive. Holding unforgiveness and grudges eats you up inside. Forgiving sets you free and let's God heal your hurts. Here's an awesome video that goes along with the book I've been reading:
Trusting God
I've decided to add a page (well it's already 2 pages) to my commonplace book that I will use to write the things that are bothering me that I am committing to turn over to God and trust God with. By writing them, I can make sure I don't take them back.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Do You Really Trust God?
This really touched my soul when I saw it.
I trust God most of the time, but sometimes I find myself grabbing things that I say I'm trusting him with back to me so that I can worry about them. I am trying very hard to stop this and allow God to handle it.
I trust God most of the time, but sometimes I find myself grabbing things that I say I'm trusting him with back to me so that I can worry about them. I am trying very hard to stop this and allow God to handle it.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Commonplace Book
It is finally done! It took me a month to get it made up, but I've finally got my commonplace book made and today I got everything I wanted to put into it that I've done recently moved in. I'm excited about how it came out, especially since I made it myself. There are some problems with the inside of the covers, some glue got on them and is shiny. I also ended up transferring some paper from elsewhere because the notes I had on the book I'm currently reading really needed to be in there, and there were way too many to just copy over. But still, I am quite happy with it. It is exactly the way I want it to be for this time.
Exactly What They Need
Lately I have been going through a strong period of self-improvement combined at the same time with self-affirmation. Over and over I keep learning that I am enough, I am who God wants me to be. Today was more of that, as you can see in part from the last post. I have also been learning, again, how to relax and leave my problems with God. This seems to be a cyclical process for me, as I've been through these same lessons over, and over, and over in my lifetime. Thankfully God is patient in getting me to where I need to be. I make progress each time and get closer to the end goal each time but it is very much a two steps forward one step back type endeavor. This time around, I have moved past trusting God to help me with things but still worrying about them, to now not even worrying about them, and in doing so have achieved an entirely new level of peace in my life. The peace has really made me feel much more like me than I have in a long time.
Today I was thinking about that on the drive home, and realized something that I think is really important for me. When I am myself, and not trying to be someone other than me or trying to put unreasonable expectations upon myself, or allowing myself to get caught up in anger, hurt, or other emotions, or shutting parts of myself off, when I am totally my true self, I am exactly who my husband and son need for me to be. I am the calm in their lives, the person who they can come to when they are upset or frustrated, talk it out, and leave feeling refreshed. When I am not me, I can not respond to them the way they need me to, and they get frustrated, and I get frustrated, and we all end up upset or irritated with one another.
How refreshing to realize that the best thing I can give my husband and son is to be who I am.
Of course this only makes sense because why would God send me a husband or child that needed me to be someone that I am not?
So to reflect back to an older post, I am perfectly created. I may not always make the right choices, but as long as I am me I am exactly who I need to be, and as long as I stay faithful to Him, it will all work itself out.
Today I was thinking about that on the drive home, and realized something that I think is really important for me. When I am myself, and not trying to be someone other than me or trying to put unreasonable expectations upon myself, or allowing myself to get caught up in anger, hurt, or other emotions, or shutting parts of myself off, when I am totally my true self, I am exactly who my husband and son need for me to be. I am the calm in their lives, the person who they can come to when they are upset or frustrated, talk it out, and leave feeling refreshed. When I am not me, I can not respond to them the way they need me to, and they get frustrated, and I get frustrated, and we all end up upset or irritated with one another.
How refreshing to realize that the best thing I can give my husband and son is to be who I am.
Of course this only makes sense because why would God send me a husband or child that needed me to be someone that I am not?
So to reflect back to an older post, I am perfectly created. I may not always make the right choices, but as long as I am me I am exactly who I need to be, and as long as I stay faithful to Him, it will all work itself out.
My Epiphany
I had a lot of epiphany moments today, some of them were things that I knew before, but just cemented in my head a little more today, others were fairly new ideas.
1. I remember being told as a child that the actions of a child directly reflect on their parents, that people judge parents by their children. This makes me totally paranoid about how Nick acts. I worry too much about what other people think, and I realized that I am letting it affect how I parent my child, especially when I parent in public.
I am probably not explaining this well, but here is my epiphany, as I wrote it when I pulled over on the side of the street on my way home from class :) :
I am not responsible for who my son is, or who he becomes. God made him who he is, he will decide who he becomes. My job is to teach / give him the foundation, experiences, knowledge, beliefs, and morals that will help him to become the best person he can be and that will help him to learn to make the choices that will take him down the right path, the path God would choose for him.
2. I am the best parent for my son. God sent him to me because he is who I need and I am who he needs. As long as I do my best for him, it will be enough, because if it wouldn't be enough he wouldn't have come to me. I am perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from his mother. Erik is perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from a father. We just need to do out best for him, and he will get from us what he needs.
1. I remember being told as a child that the actions of a child directly reflect on their parents, that people judge parents by their children. This makes me totally paranoid about how Nick acts. I worry too much about what other people think, and I realized that I am letting it affect how I parent my child, especially when I parent in public.
I am probably not explaining this well, but here is my epiphany, as I wrote it when I pulled over on the side of the street on my way home from class :) :
I am not responsible for who my son is, or who he becomes. God made him who he is, he will decide who he becomes. My job is to teach / give him the foundation, experiences, knowledge, beliefs, and morals that will help him to become the best person he can be and that will help him to learn to make the choices that will take him down the right path, the path God would choose for him.
2. I am the best parent for my son. God sent him to me because he is who I need and I am who he needs. As long as I do my best for him, it will be enough, because if it wouldn't be enough he wouldn't have come to me. I am perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from his mother. Erik is perfectly capable of giving him everything he needs from a father. We just need to do out best for him, and he will get from us what he needs.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Changing the World by Changing Yourself
Okay, I'm not usually a bit quote person, but lately I have found so many noteworth quotes I just have to share.
I particularly loved the quote below. It speaks to my heart. It encompasses both the goal of my life... to improve myself and in doing so hopefully have a positive affect on those around me, compounding into a much larger affect on the world; and also addresses the fact that while we may feel powerless to change the world, or even our country, we can all change ourselves.
This was taken from the tomb of an Anglican bishop (1100 AD) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey:
"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
But it, too, seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize; if I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."
I particularly loved the quote below. It speaks to my heart. It encompasses both the goal of my life... to improve myself and in doing so hopefully have a positive affect on those around me, compounding into a much larger affect on the world; and also addresses the fact that while we may feel powerless to change the world, or even our country, we can all change ourselves.
This was taken from the tomb of an Anglican bishop (1100 AD) in the crypts of Westminster Abbey:
"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
But it, too, seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize; if I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."
Friday, March 19, 2010
Isn't It Exciting
Okay, I'm chatty this morning I guess :)
I'm just sitting here thinking of how exciting it is that God brings everything together for us when we need it. What I mean is that, when God is working on something with us, He'll often bring it to us in several ways. For me right now, I'm seeing overlaps between my book, my project, and the Saturday classes I'm taking. In fact I'm laughing because for both classes Tracy has asked a question that I've not thought much about, and within a week or two I have found that what she asked is EXACTLY what God has me working on. It never ceases to amaze me the way God does that.
I'm just sitting here thinking of how exciting it is that God brings everything together for us when we need it. What I mean is that, when God is working on something with us, He'll often bring it to us in several ways. For me right now, I'm seeing overlaps between my book, my project, and the Saturday classes I'm taking. In fact I'm laughing because for both classes Tracy has asked a question that I've not thought much about, and within a week or two I have found that what she asked is EXACTLY what God has me working on. It never ceases to amaze me the way God does that.
Verses, Scriptures, and Quotes Wanted
For the project I'm working on, I'm looking for verses / scriptures, and maybe some quotes on the following subjects:
Peace - such as the peace of God, feeling peace, etc not peace vs war
Forgiveness and Forgiving - not God forgiving us, but us forgiving one another
God's Protection and Safety in God
If you know of any good ones, please share!
Peace - such as the peace of God, feeling peace, etc not peace vs war
Forgiveness and Forgiving - not God forgiving us, but us forgiving one another
God's Protection and Safety in God
If you know of any good ones, please share!
Obsessive
I've been working on a writing project all week. It's been a great experience. It started as writing a "book" (not for publication purposes) and has now transformed into a website style blog along with the book. It has been a great learning experience so far.
I've discovered, I'm obsessive, totally obsessive about my projects. Okay, I knew that, I really did, I'm just shocked to realize it again. So now I'm wondering, am I obsessive about all of my projects, or just the projects that are centered around God and spirituality?
As long as I make myself stay on track with work and family, I don't think it's a bad obsession. I've done pretty good this week. Staying on track with family has been pretty easy, staying on track with work is taking a little more effort, but I'm doing pretty good.
I've discovered, I'm obsessive, totally obsessive about my projects. Okay, I knew that, I really did, I'm just shocked to realize it again. So now I'm wondering, am I obsessive about all of my projects, or just the projects that are centered around God and spirituality?
As long as I make myself stay on track with work and family, I don't think it's a bad obsession. I've done pretty good this week. Staying on track with family has been pretty easy, staying on track with work is taking a little more effort, but I'm doing pretty good.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Taxes
I've been reading a lot lately about not becoming stressed or worried. I've known these things for a long time, but I've always struggled at getting to the point where I could truly turn my worries over to God and just let them go. Oh sure, some worries are easy, but the big things, like finances, not so easy.
Last week we found out we owe money on our taxes. A LOT of taxes. Enough that we could not scrape together of the course of a year, enough to pay them. Why? Because we are self-employed, we have a lot of taxes to worry about, we have a lot of deductions too, but this year, it just didn't work out. The problem is, if we owe this year, we can pretty much count on the fact that we will owe as much or more next year.
In the past, finding this out would have made my physically ill, but this time, when I heard this, I was totally relaxed. I just kept thinking "God has always taken care of it, the money will come along". I had no worries. I still have no worries. I am so excited though, I feel like I've finally crossed that hurdle!
Erik on the other hand freaked out about it, he was angry and agitated. Normally once he gets upset, I get upset, but not this time. I stayed totally calm and started looking at what we could do. Because I was calm, he started to calm down, and we were able to formulate a plan to both get these taxes paid and start laying away money for next year's taxes. Although we still have to find out if our plan will work, I have no doubt within me that God will make sure we have what we need.
Last week we found out we owe money on our taxes. A LOT of taxes. Enough that we could not scrape together of the course of a year, enough to pay them. Why? Because we are self-employed, we have a lot of taxes to worry about, we have a lot of deductions too, but this year, it just didn't work out. The problem is, if we owe this year, we can pretty much count on the fact that we will owe as much or more next year.
In the past, finding this out would have made my physically ill, but this time, when I heard this, I was totally relaxed. I just kept thinking "God has always taken care of it, the money will come along". I had no worries. I still have no worries. I am so excited though, I feel like I've finally crossed that hurdle!
Erik on the other hand freaked out about it, he was angry and agitated. Normally once he gets upset, I get upset, but not this time. I stayed totally calm and started looking at what we could do. Because I was calm, he started to calm down, and we were able to formulate a plan to both get these taxes paid and start laying away money for next year's taxes. Although we still have to find out if our plan will work, I have no doubt within me that God will make sure we have what we need.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Puzzle Pieces of Life
From the book I'm currently reading, isn't this so true:
Why is it that we have more faith that the pieces of a puzzle made by a company in Taiwan will all fit together than we have that the pieces of our life that are presented to us by God will fit together?
When you start a puzzle, some pieces, even if they fit perfectly together, will not help you to beter understand what the puzzle is about, but in it's completion you can appreciate even the parts that origiinally seemed insignificant and pointless.
Why is it that we have more faith that the pieces of a puzzle made by a company in Taiwan will all fit together than we have that the pieces of our life that are presented to us by God will fit together?
When you start a puzzle, some pieces, even if they fit perfectly together, will not help you to beter understand what the puzzle is about, but in it's completion you can appreciate even the parts that origiinally seemed insignificant and pointless.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Personal Walls and God's Creations
I've been doing more reading in my Chosen to Remember book, have I mentioned this book is amazing? Anyways, today's reading was talking about the walls we build around ourselves in order to protect ourself.
I am a proficient wall builder, I learned at a very young age how to build very good walls. At times my walls have been nearly impenetrable. At one point I had brought my walls down significantly, but unless I purposely and mindfully keep them down, I tend to rebuild them over time.
Anyhow, the author was writing that we build walls to defend ourselves, but in reality, we are building walls because we fear that we are not really worth defending, that we are worthless. We build the walls to keep people from seeing who we really are. This is totally unnecessary though, because the person that is hidden behind those walls, the part of us that we are hiding behind all of the fear, judgement, and other things of the world, that person is God's perfect creation. We are God's perfect creation. I am God's perfect creation.
This leaves us with a choice. We can accept ourselves as God's perfect creations and live our lives truly KNOWING we are God's perfect creations. If we see ourselves as God's perfect creations, we will also be able to see the perfection of God's creations in others, and be able to view them with the pure love of God. This path will bring us the peace that only comes from a close relationship with God. On the other hand, we can continue to see ourselves through the illusions of the world and the walls that we have built around ourselves, illusions built by judgement, fear, and seperation. If we choose this road, we will find ourselves viewing others with judgement and/or fear, and will find that road leads to a lack of peace as judgement and strife pull us away from God.
There was so much more, but I just really needed to share this.
I am a proficient wall builder, I learned at a very young age how to build very good walls. At times my walls have been nearly impenetrable. At one point I had brought my walls down significantly, but unless I purposely and mindfully keep them down, I tend to rebuild them over time.
Anyhow, the author was writing that we build walls to defend ourselves, but in reality, we are building walls because we fear that we are not really worth defending, that we are worthless. We build the walls to keep people from seeing who we really are. This is totally unnecessary though, because the person that is hidden behind those walls, the part of us that we are hiding behind all of the fear, judgement, and other things of the world, that person is God's perfect creation. We are God's perfect creation. I am God's perfect creation.
This leaves us with a choice. We can accept ourselves as God's perfect creations and live our lives truly KNOWING we are God's perfect creations. If we see ourselves as God's perfect creations, we will also be able to see the perfection of God's creations in others, and be able to view them with the pure love of God. This path will bring us the peace that only comes from a close relationship with God. On the other hand, we can continue to see ourselves through the illusions of the world and the walls that we have built around ourselves, illusions built by judgement, fear, and seperation. If we choose this road, we will find ourselves viewing others with judgement and/or fear, and will find that road leads to a lack of peace as judgement and strife pull us away from God.
There was so much more, but I just really needed to share this.
Commonplace Book - Problem Solved
I think I've finally figured out how I want to do my commonplace book. I was having a hard time deciding because I really wanted a 3 ring binder type, but I want something that is easily written in and not as bulky as a 3 ring binder. I found some binders I liked the style of, but didn't like the designs they had, so I am going to make my own. They basically are 3 ring binders where the rings are not connected to one another, similar to how people bind 3x5 cards. So, I'm going to get some chipboard, cover it in some pretty papers, make some pretty dividers, and then have it professionally whole punched with 3 holes that are just right for 8 1/2 X 11 paper. I haven't decided what type of paper I'll use on the inside. I'd love to have some high quality paper, but I don't know if I can find some that is lined and that size. So we'll see how that part goes.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
HOPE Class - Commonplace Books
Today I had my first H.O.P.E. class. It was actually the second class, but I was very sick the first one (in fact that night was the night I was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia).
The class was about commonplace books. Honestly, before I saw the class title, I'd never even heard of a commonplace book. It's pretty simple though, a commonplace book is a place to record information, quotes, etc and your thoughts about them. By nature each person's commonplace book is going to be organized a little differently, based on what works well for them.
I am determined to start one, but how I will organize it I am less sure of. I am drawn to the appeal of a bound book, as I find books with binding easier to carry and easier to write in than binders. However, I know that I would have constant issue with the disorganization that will inevitably come from having different subjects mixed together. I'd love to have a pretty little journal type book, but I can't stand lined journal paper, and my writing is hard enough to read (even for me) with lines, let alone without them. So, I just don't know. I'm seriously considering just sticking with writing in my spiral notebooks, they are easily portable and I have lots, and then having the rings and the holes from the binding cut off just leaving the binder holes. I could then organize those pages into a binder. The problem there is that I will probably never organize those pages into the binder. There were suggestions to use different colored inks for different topics, but that would not work well for me, I'd always be using the wrong color, often subjects fit more than one category for me (another problem with the binder system), and I'd probably be losing my pens every day. I could do a bound book and keep an index at the back of the book, I think that would work if I could find a book I liked, I guess I'll have to go see what kinds of books might be available.
The class was about commonplace books. Honestly, before I saw the class title, I'd never even heard of a commonplace book. It's pretty simple though, a commonplace book is a place to record information, quotes, etc and your thoughts about them. By nature each person's commonplace book is going to be organized a little differently, based on what works well for them.
I am determined to start one, but how I will organize it I am less sure of. I am drawn to the appeal of a bound book, as I find books with binding easier to carry and easier to write in than binders. However, I know that I would have constant issue with the disorganization that will inevitably come from having different subjects mixed together. I'd love to have a pretty little journal type book, but I can't stand lined journal paper, and my writing is hard enough to read (even for me) with lines, let alone without them. So, I just don't know. I'm seriously considering just sticking with writing in my spiral notebooks, they are easily portable and I have lots, and then having the rings and the holes from the binding cut off just leaving the binder holes. I could then organize those pages into a binder. The problem there is that I will probably never organize those pages into the binder. There were suggestions to use different colored inks for different topics, but that would not work well for me, I'd always be using the wrong color, often subjects fit more than one category for me (another problem with the binder system), and I'd probably be losing my pens every day. I could do a bound book and keep an index at the back of the book, I think that would work if I could find a book I liked, I guess I'll have to go see what kinds of books might be available.
New Learning Project
The time has come to embark on a new learning experience. It's actually been longer than usual since God last sent me on a learning path, but it's time. I've been feeling the urge to begin something for a little while, but wasn't sure what would come of it. I've had some idea of the things I've been wanting to learn about, but wasn't sure which direction it would go in, and was having trouble finding books or anything to help me learn about it.
The other night, I was talking to a friend online, and suddenly had to search for a book. I found it almost immediately. I am now reading the book You Have Chosen to Remember. I'm not very far into it, just a few sections of the first chapter, but it is awesome. It's going to be a slow read because there is so much to think about. Primarily the book is about changing our thoughts and core beliefs in order to approach the world with a more positive, loving, and accepting attitude, so that we can experience our trueselves. (This is a terrible summary, but you get the idea).
A day or two before I found the book, Tracy, who is running the classes I'm taking right now, sent over a bunch of questions to help us examing and challenge our core beliefs also. So, it looks like I have a project for the next little while. I don't think it'll be fun, but I do believe it has the potential to be incredibly life changing.
My project: Examine and revise my core beliefs, and learn to approach the world in a more positive, open, accepting way, and in doing so learn more about who I truly am, my true, spiritual self.
The other night, I was talking to a friend online, and suddenly had to search for a book. I found it almost immediately. I am now reading the book You Have Chosen to Remember. I'm not very far into it, just a few sections of the first chapter, but it is awesome. It's going to be a slow read because there is so much to think about. Primarily the book is about changing our thoughts and core beliefs in order to approach the world with a more positive, loving, and accepting attitude, so that we can experience our trueselves. (This is a terrible summary, but you get the idea).
A day or two before I found the book, Tracy, who is running the classes I'm taking right now, sent over a bunch of questions to help us examing and challenge our core beliefs also. So, it looks like I have a project for the next little while. I don't think it'll be fun, but I do believe it has the potential to be incredibly life changing.
My project: Examine and revise my core beliefs, and learn to approach the world in a more positive, open, accepting way, and in doing so learn more about who I truly am, my true, spiritual self.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Continuing
To continue with Nick's first lost tooth, it had been loose all of Christmas. We were driving back from California and he suddenly started crying that his tooth was hurting. It was so loose that it was pinching his gum. We pulled over at the first place we could stop, which ended up being a Dairy Queen, so Erik went in and got him an ice cream (we figured it would help numb it if he was in pain after it came out), and put Nick up in the front seat with me. Nick opened his mouth, let me pull the tooth which took almost no pressure to pull, and didn't even cry. He made a little noise of surprise when it came out and then started laughing (he'd been expecting pain and was relieved). Then he got his ice cream and we got back on the road. The tooth fairy visited and left him $2.
When we got back from Christmas, Nick had the sniffles, Erik and I were sick soon after. They guys got better, but I got pneumonia. I was admitted to the hospital on January 23 with an oxygen level of 86. It took a week for me to get out, and then I came home on oxygen. It was a very difficult few weeks for our family, and even now, almost a full month since I've been out, I still don't feel like I've gotten our lives back to normal, but it was really a learning experience. I'll write more about that later probably.
After an extended Christmas break due to all of the illnesses, we finally got back to homeschooling on the 8th.
Nick lost his second tooth this past week, on Friday, February 19. It had been getting loose for a long time and finally was easy to pull on Friday. Somehow despite talking about it all night, we forgot to help the tooth fairy visit him during the night. Fortunately she showed up later in the morning, she left Nick a note, apparently she got caught in traffic.
That about catches us up on the day to day type stuff. This year didn't start out well, but we're all alive and well, and both of the businesses are going well, so I think we weathered through it all okay.
When we got back from Christmas, Nick had the sniffles, Erik and I were sick soon after. They guys got better, but I got pneumonia. I was admitted to the hospital on January 23 with an oxygen level of 86. It took a week for me to get out, and then I came home on oxygen. It was a very difficult few weeks for our family, and even now, almost a full month since I've been out, I still don't feel like I've gotten our lives back to normal, but it was really a learning experience. I'll write more about that later probably.
After an extended Christmas break due to all of the illnesses, we finally got back to homeschooling on the 8th.
Nick lost his second tooth this past week, on Friday, February 19. It had been getting loose for a long time and finally was easy to pull on Friday. Somehow despite talking about it all night, we forgot to help the tooth fairy visit him during the night. Fortunately she showed up later in the morning, she left Nick a note, apparently she got caught in traffic.
That about catches us up on the day to day type stuff. This year didn't start out well, but we're all alive and well, and both of the businesses are going well, so I think we weathered through it all okay.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Hi again!
Wow, I can't believe it has been so very long since I posted. I never have been good at keeping up with journals, blogs, or anything else of the like. So much has happened since I last wrote.
Christmas was wonderful, time spend with family a treasure, and this year it was very hard for me to return without them.
Nick lost his first tooth on our way back from California after Christmas. January 3rd, 2010.
Gotta go, it's 12:45 in the morning and Nick is awake, will continue this post tomorrow.
Christmas was wonderful, time spend with family a treasure, and this year it was very hard for me to return without them.
Nick lost his first tooth on our way back from California after Christmas. January 3rd, 2010.
Gotta go, it's 12:45 in the morning and Nick is awake, will continue this post tomorrow.
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